Well, we’re in the process of buying our first home together! Tuesday morning we meet the house inspector around 10:15am, and then if there is nothing majorly wrong, all conditions will be lifted from our signed offer. The house will officially be ours on closing day – September 30! It’s hard to believe that I’m finally moving on from my little 1 bedroom post-divorce apartment. It was almost 3 years ago that I was signing the lease to this apartment, full of ambition and hope. My three years here have been everything I thought it would be and more. I loved how close to downtown my apartment is. If I beat rush hour, I can get to work in less than 10 minutes. This apartment has taught me that I never want dark wood floors, like I always thought I wanted. Somehow, this apartment has played a part in turning me into a cat lover. Because there will always be cat hair in my life, I have chosen that despite their beauty, dark wood floors are not for me. I will not miss the smell of fish fry in the hallways, and all of the old people cooking it. It’s not that they are not nice, it’s just that when we pass Tuesday night bingo in the community room downstairs, it makes me really feel like we’re living in a retirement home.
Our new house is a raised bungalow in Dieppe. Dieppe just feels like home. I’ve been living in Dieppe for the past 17 years now, minus the four months I rented in Moncton. I didn’t have a bad experience in Moncton, it’s just that Dieppe feels like home. I can’t explain it. The house has 3 bedrooms, a finished basement, a nice wrap-around deck, a nice big backyard for being in the city. It’s actually 2 pieces of land, and we could sell the other one someday if we wanted to. It’s near the golf course. It’s also near my ex-marital home, which my ex-husband still lives in. I chatted with him about it before putting in an offer (we’re still on great terms, we chat often.) and we determined that we’re never going to bump into each other while taking a walk. (His exact answer was – “Taking a walk LOL”)
When we move into our new house, I’m going to celebrate by doing laundry past 9pm, by playing drums in the basement, planting flowers, paint the walls, and convert a whole bedroom into a huge dressing room / walk-in closet.
After my divorce, I promised myself that I would never again have a big mortgage, be near house poor, and that I would never again live beyond my means, even temporarily. The first house that we fell in love with was a lot more expensive than the house we ended up buying. $40k more. It was at the very very top of my price range, if we could negotiate about 10k down. It had a garage, 2 fireplaces, 2 bathrooms, and views of the Peticodiac river. However, it just felt scary. We decided to go visit 2 more houses before revisiting the more expensive house we loved and put an offer. We ended up falling in love with our house, which has everything we need and is at the bottom of my price range. It has no garage, but I can compromise on that because I am still spoiled by Julien every winter. He scrapes all the ice off, brushes all the snow off, and warms up the car for me, every single winter morning. It has no fireplaces, but I think I’m going to buy one of those plug-in electric ones. The house we bought vaguely looks like the one pinned to my vision board, which is simply a picture of a house and back deck. I’ve always wanted a big deck. Big decks are wonderful. In the negotiations we also obtained a nice screen house that attaches to the house and back deck. That’s going to be awesome!
Other than that, I’m having a hard time being as happy for the house as I should be, because at work things are fucking shitty. Frustrations, tensions, gossip, burn outs, chaos… I feel like I can’t even take it anymore. But I have to, I have no choice. I hope that being happy in my new house gives me the strength and courage to endure work until the chaos gets sorted out, and then decide if it’s time for me to move on if things don’t improve. Things can’t get much worse. I am riddled with anxiety and IBS, and I cried in front of a co-worker last week. I can’t sleep at night. I have constant pains in my stomach. Nausea. I can’t stop worrying about work. We’re driving around in the car on a beautiful sunny day and I gaze at the fields swaying in the wind, but all I see are spreadsheets, pivot tables, targets, and reports. I feel unappreciated, unsupported, and defeated. I don’t find my work rewarding whatsoever. I dread it. I cry a lot. A lot.
I went blonde again. I turn 35 in less than a month. I try to remind myself that when Sex and the City started, the four women were 35 and fabulous. I’m trying to feel fabulous, but I feel the opposite of that these days, even though I weigh the least I’ve weighed in years. I don’t know if blonde is still for me? Do I just need to get used to it again? After I went blonde, my co-worker told me that she thinks that red hair is outdated and going out of style… is that even possible? Aren’t there always going to be natural red heads? Why can’t I just go my natural colour you say? I was just given the wrong hair colour somehow. I swear, it’s the most blah hair colour on me, and doesn’t match my almost black eyebrows at all. I really think it was a mistake. My brother was born so blonde his hair looked white, and now that he’s 30, his hair is pretty dark, almost brown. I was born with dark brown chocolate hair, and now it’s a watered down mousy very light brown. It makes me look old.
But yeah, back to trying to be happy about the house :