Good things are going to happen!

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I have this print bookmarked, and I’m going to buy it someday, or maybe paint it myself.

I feel much better since my last post. I have decided that my coworker’s attitude is not my problem, it’s hers. Yes I am overly sensitive, but she is probably going through some stuff that makes her be a bitch to more people than just me. She is currently on stress leave from work, which re-affirms my sentiment. I hope she feels better soon, and I hope that she takes it out on me less, because I just like when we can all get along. My new boss called me this morning to let me know that he has accepted a different position in a different city, in our satellite office, so more changes to come! Good things are going to happen.

More good things that are going to happen :

On December 23 we learned that this little miracle growing in my belly is growing a little wee-wee. It’s a boy! We bought ‘insert-your-own-photo’ snowglobes, and inserted an ultrasound photo with an “Hello, I’m a boy!” caption, and gave each set of parents one for Christmas, with the instruction to open that gift last. They were a hit! My mother was bawling. We also gave my brother and his fiancee Amanda these, which were also a hit :

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Then on New Year’s Eve we went to eat at The Keg, and it was so damn delicious!

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I wish I had taken pictures of every dish, but I was enjoying the moment too much. I had escargot stuffed mushroom caps for an apetizer, this NY strip in the picture for my entree, with a delicious spinach salad, and creme brulee for dessert. I can’t wait ’till I get to eat this again – on Valentine’s day. Reservations made!

And this also happened on New Year’s Eve! <3

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The love of my life proposed on New Year’s Eve, making that day even more special for me. I’ve always loved NYE so much for being full of promise and hope. This Saturday we’re picking up my ring from the jewelers, who took two long weeks to resize it for me. It’s his grandmother’s ring, which means so much to me. We are getting married on March 21, the first full day of spring this year! We will have a civil wedding, in our new house, with 18 of our closest friends and family. We both wanted a no-stress day, and with a baby on the way, it makes complete sense to us to have our wedding fit in our budget. I can’t wait to be Mrs. LeBlanc!

I spent Sunday with my mother and his mother, going out to eat, shopping, and planning our wedding. They are so excited! Both our fathers really want to wear suits, and our mothers both bought beautiful black dresses. I am letting my mom go crazy with her tulle and white lights, and all of the food they have planned. I think it’s going to be a beautiful spring day :)

People

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What is wrong with people?

What I ended up doing was taking 1 week off sick, and working 1 week from home last week. I felt that was a good compromise. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough for some people.

I had a good stretch of about four nights where I slept for the entire night. It felt amazing. I felt like a had a much better handle over my emotions, life didn’t seem so gloomy, and I felt like life wasn’t too hard. That I could do this.

Yesterday, we finally got some news about my mom biopsies. It’s not good. On top of her returned lymphoma cancer, she now has stomach cancer, and that has propagated to her liver. She is in the hospital for another transfusion today, and Thursday she has a meeting with her oncologist to hear what course of treatment they have decided on, etc.

Last night I layed in bed, staring at the ceiling, for the whole night. I did not sleep one minute. I knew that the three coworkers who have been giving me sly attitude would have something to say about my working from home today again. I had an appointment with my specialist yesterday, and he agreed that working from home is a good compromise. (As opposed to going on medical leave straight out.) He wrote me a doctor’s note. I sent the note to my manager as an attachment in an e-mail, and wrote down a list of reasons why I think that due to the nature of my position, I think that I am an ideal candidate for working from home. I stared at the ceiling all night, worrying about what those two people would say about my working from home. I don’t think I even fell asleep for one minute.

When my alarm rang at 7:30, I was nauseous and shaky. I was having a blood sugar low. I got ready and came downstairs to my work set-up. 30 minutes after my start time, it started.

“Are you coming in the office today?????”

“Are you working from home for the whole week????”

“Wow, must be nice.”

Me, to one of the two : “Is that okay with you?”

Her : “Is what okay?”

Me : “My working from home for the week.”

Her : “Does it matter? It’s none of my business”

Me : “It matters to me.” (She was my very closest coworker, for years!) 

Her : “If your doctor tells you to work from home, it doesn’t matter what we think about it.”

What would you do? Is my baby safer with my working from home, where I’m stressed about what those women are saying about me, possibly ruining my professional reputation, or should I suck it up and go bleed and go be hypoglycemic at work, 3 feet away from them, to make them happy?

D.E.S.S.E.R.T.S.

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So, I’ve been stressed. I am finally past the critical 12 week mark, but it’s important for me to not stress myself out, so that I can control my diabetes, my anxiety, my IBS and everything else. With being responsible for 2 positions at work, other work stuff that I’m having a really hard time with, my high risk pregnancy, university, and last but not least, my mom receiving her biposy results, which is the worst option possible – The mass on her liver is a 2nd cancer. Tomorrow she’s going for tests to determine if there are more tumors in her stomach, intestines, etc. Fingers crossed.

When I told my doctor that the reason I have having a hard time controling my blood sugars is because of all this, and started crying in his office, he wrote me a note for a 2 week medical leave from work. On one hand, I feel guilty, on the other hand, I’ve wanted to be a mother for so long, and this might be my only shot… I have to put my health first. Right?

My little peanut shaped secret!

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Pregnancy brain started early. I had completely forgotten that the cleaners were coming on that day, so the cleaning lady who saw my “3 weeks +” positive digital pregnancy test on the counter found out that we are expecting before our parents did! hehe You can read the end of the previous post and put 2 and 2 together, but really we were not trying. But we were not preventing. I can’t believe it happened this fast! I’m ecstatic, even though the timing could have been so much better. I’m currently working 2 positions at work, and going to university part-time, and we’ll have to cancel that pre-booked March 2015 cruise with the unrefundable deposit. But it’s worth it. I’m praying that even though I’m high risk, that I deliver a healthy baby in 7 months.

This is still a secret. I’m trying to not tell the world until 12 weeks, but it’s hard! So nothing on Facebook, please!

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2 Weeks

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The one thing I will miss from this little 1 bedroom apartment that has been our home for the past 3 years is the view of Dieppe and the marsh from our top floor balcony. I will miss seeing the overflow of traffic on the first day of school (tomorrow morning!), and the eerie quietness and lack of traffic late on Christmas Day and during snow storms. I will not, however, miss my balcony being so close to my neighbors’ balconies that we have to whisper conversations and stifle our laughter.  I will not miss having to wake up early on rare sleep-in days to move the car after a snow storm. I will not miss the ban on laundry appliances after 9pm, and I will especially not miss fire alarm practices and landlord power trips.

 

In 2 weeks we are moving into our new house! We are so excited! I have done a lot of packing during this long weekend, because tomorrow university starts again! Who knew that after not using my big rotisserie pan for like 2 months, I’d suddenly need it twice this weekend, obviously after having already packed it! These two months off everything but my regular full time job have been great, but nowhere near  as relaxing and rejuvenating as I was anticipating them to be. I contemplated taking a semester off, to rest more and enjoy the move, but ultimately I don’t want to lose time.  I didn’t even make time to see my friends like I said I would. The two months off were filled with travel, 2 friends’ wedding, and trying to adapt to changes at work that are sucking.

 

2 weeks ago I turned 35 years old! Geez, where does the time go? I remember not so long ago thinking that 35 was OLD! I don’t feel old at all. I feel like life only keeps getting better and better as I age, yet I am painfully aware of how short and fleeting life is. At 20 years old, I thought that I was young and that I knew everything. At 35, I know that I’m young, and that I barely know anything. I have learned a lot of life lessons, that’s for sure. I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years will bring!

 

2 weeks before my birthday, we made a big life decision. I am terrified, yet over the moon excited with the possibilities. In my heart of hearts, I feel like it’s time. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but I need to try.

 

Also, I’m back to being blonde. My hair stylist said “You’re back!”. I think she’s right.

We bought a house!

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Well, we’re in the process of buying our first home together! Tuesday morning we meet the house inspector around 10:15am, and then if there is nothing majorly wrong, all conditions will be lifted from our signed offer. The house will officially be ours on closing day – September 30! It’s hard to believe that I’m finally moving on from my little 1 bedroom post-divorce apartment. It was almost 3 years ago that I was signing the lease to this apartment, full of ambition and hope. My three years here have been everything I thought it would be and more. I loved how close to downtown my apartment is. If I beat rush hour, I can get to work in less than 10 minutes. This apartment has taught me that I never want dark wood floors, like I always thought I wanted. Somehow, this apartment has played a part in turning me into a cat lover. Because there will always be cat hair in my life, I have chosen that despite their beauty, dark wood floors are not for me. I will not miss the smell of fish fry in the hallways, and all of the old people cooking it. It’s not that they are not nice, it’s just that when we pass Tuesday night bingo in the community room downstairs, it makes me really feel like we’re living in a retirement home.

 

Our new house is a raised bungalow in Dieppe. Dieppe just feels like home. I’ve been living in Dieppe for the past 17 years now, minus the four  months I rented in Moncton. I didn’t have a bad experience in Moncton, it’s just that Dieppe feels like home. I can’t explain it. The house has 3 bedrooms, a finished basement, a nice wrap-around deck, a nice big backyard for being in the city. It’s actually 2 pieces of land, and we could sell the other one someday if we wanted to. It’s near the golf course. It’s also near my ex-marital home, which my ex-husband still lives in. I chatted with him about it before putting in an offer (we’re still on great terms, we chat often.) and we determined that we’re never going to bump into each other while taking a walk. (His exact answer was – “Taking a walk LOL”)

 

When we move into our new house, I’m going to celebrate by doing laundry past 9pm, by playing drums in the basement, planting flowers, paint the walls, and convert a whole bedroom into a huge dressing room / walk-in closet.

 

After my divorce, I promised myself that I would never again have a big mortgage, be near house poor, and that I would never again live beyond my means, even temporarily. The first house that we fell in love with was a lot more expensive than the house we ended up buying. $40k more. It was at the very very top of my price range, if we could negotiate about 10k down. It had a garage, 2 fireplaces, 2 bathrooms, and views of the Peticodiac river. However, it just felt scary. We decided to go visit 2 more houses before revisiting the more expensive house we loved and put an offer. We ended up falling in love with our house, which has everything we need and is at the bottom of my price range. It has no garage, but I can compromise on that because I am still spoiled by Julien every winter. He scrapes all the ice off, brushes all the snow off, and warms up the car for me, every single winter morning. It has no fireplaces, but I think I’m going to buy one of those plug-in electric ones. The house we bought vaguely looks like the one pinned to my vision board, which is simply a picture of a house and back deck. I’ve always wanted a big deck. Big decks are wonderful. In the negotiations we also obtained a nice screen house that attaches to the house and back deck. That’s going to be awesome!

 

Other than that, I’m having a hard time being as happy for the house as I should be, because at work things are fucking shitty. Frustrations, tensions, gossip, burn outs, chaos… I feel like I can’t even take it anymore. But I have to, I have no choice. I hope that being happy in my new house gives me the strength and courage to endure work until the chaos gets sorted out, and then decide if it’s time for me to move on if things don’t improve. Things can’t get much worse. I am riddled with anxiety and IBS, and I cried in front of a co-worker last week. I can’t sleep at night. I have constant pains in my stomach. Nausea. I can’t stop worrying about work. We’re driving around in the car on a beautiful sunny day and I gaze at the fields swaying in the wind, but all I see are spreadsheets, pivot tables, targets, and reports. I feel unappreciated, unsupported, and defeated. I don’t find my work rewarding whatsoever. I dread it. I cry a lot. A lot.

 

I went blonde again. I turn 35 in less than a month. I try to remind myself that when Sex and the City started, the four women were 35 and fabulous. I’m trying to feel fabulous, but I feel the opposite of that these days, even though I weigh the least I’ve weighed in years. I don’t know if blonde is still for me? Do I just need to get used to it again? After I went blonde, my co-worker told me that she thinks that red hair is outdated and going out of style… is that even possible? Aren’t there always going to be natural red heads? Why can’t I just go my natural colour you say? I was just given the wrong hair colour somehow. I swear, it’s the most blah hair colour on me, and doesn’t match my almost black eyebrows at all. I really think it was a mistake. My brother was born so blonde his hair looked white, and now that he’s 30, his hair is pretty dark, almost brown. I was born with dark brown chocolate hair, and now it’s a watered down mousy very light brown. It makes me look old.

 

But yeah, back to trying to be happy about the house :

 

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Since the last time I blogged

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Since the last time I blogged :

  • I have traveled to Ottawa, ON and Montebello, QC for an insane rock festival called Rockfest Amnesia.
  • I have completed my 2 spring/summer university courses. My final score for Theorie Organisationnelle is A-, and I am still awaiting my results for Management International.
  • My 2 months off university completely started this weekend.
  • I have gotten pre-approved for a mortgage and I’ve been looking at houses.
  • I have started panicking about turning 35 years old this summer. 35!
  • I am terrified of committing to a mortgage, yet I’ve had it up to ‘here’ with landlords and their rules.
  • I have gone to the beach for the very first time this summer. The water was pretty chilly compared to the Caribbean!
  • I have started going blonde again…