2 Weeks


The one thing I will miss from this little 1 bedroom apartment that has been our home for the past 3 years is the view of Dieppe and the marsh from our top floor balcony. I will miss seeing the overflow of traffic on the first day of school (tomorrow morning!), and the eerie quietness and lack of traffic late on Christmas Day and during snow storms. I will not, however, miss my balcony being so close to my neighbors’ balconies that we have to whisper conversations and stifle our laughter.  I will not miss having to wake up early on rare sleep-in days to move the car after a snow storm. I will not miss the ban on laundry appliances after 9pm, and I will especially not miss fire alarm practices and landlord power trips.


In 2 weeks we are moving into our new house! We are so excited! I have done a lot of packing during this long weekend, because tomorrow university starts again! Who knew that after not using my big rotisserie pan for like 2 months, I’d suddenly need it twice this weekend, obviously after having already packed it! These two months off everything but my regular full time job have been great, but nowhere near  as relaxing and rejuvenating as I was anticipating them to be. I contemplated taking a semester off, to rest more and enjoy the move, but ultimately I don’t want to lose time.  I didn’t even make time to see my friends like I said I would. The two months off were filled with travel, 2 friends’ wedding, and trying to adapt to changes at work that are sucking.


2 weeks ago I turned 35 years old! Geez, where does the time go? I remember not so long ago thinking that 35 was OLD! I don’t feel old at all. I feel like life only keeps getting better and better as I age, yet I am painfully aware of how short and fleeting life is. At 20 years old, I thought that I was young and that I knew everything. At 35, I know that I’m young, and that I barely know anything. I have learned a lot of life lessons, that’s for sure. I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years will bring!


2 weeks before my birthday, we made a big life decision. I am terrified, yet over the moon excited with the possibilities. In my heart of hearts, I feel like it’s time. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but I need to try.


Also, I’m back to being blonde. My hair stylist said “You’re back!”. I think she’s right.

We bought a house!


Well, we’re in the process of buying our first home together! Tuesday morning we meet the house inspector around 10:15am, and then if there is nothing majorly wrong, all conditions will be lifted from our signed offer. The house will officially be ours on closing day – September 30! It’s hard to believe that I’m finally moving on from my little 1 bedroom post-divorce apartment. It was almost 3 years ago that I was signing the lease to this apartment, full of ambition and hope. My three years here have been everything I thought it would be and more. I loved how close to downtown my apartment is. If I beat rush hour, I can get to work in less than 10 minutes. This apartment has taught me that I never want dark wood floors, like I always thought I wanted. Somehow, this apartment has played a part in turning me into a cat lover. Because there will always be cat hair in my life, I have chosen that despite their beauty, dark wood floors are not for me. I will not miss the smell of fish fry in the hallways, and all of the old people cooking it. It’s not that they are not nice, it’s just that when we pass Tuesday night bingo in the community room downstairs, it makes me really feel like we’re living in a retirement home.


Our new house is a raised bungalow in Dieppe. Dieppe just feels like home. I’ve been living in Dieppe for the past 17 years now, minus the four  months I rented in Moncton. I didn’t have a bad experience in Moncton, it’s just that Dieppe feels like home. I can’t explain it. The house has 3 bedrooms, a finished basement, a nice wrap-around deck, a nice big backyard for being in the city. It’s actually 2 pieces of land, and we could sell the other one someday if we wanted to. It’s near the golf course. It’s also near my ex-marital home, which my ex-husband still lives in. I chatted with him about it before putting in an offer (we’re still on great terms, we chat often.) and we determined that we’re never going to bump into each other while taking a walk. (His exact answer was – “Taking a walk LOL”)


When we move into our new house, I’m going to celebrate by doing laundry past 9pm, by playing drums in the basement, planting flowers, paint the walls, and convert a whole bedroom into a huge dressing room / walk-in closet.


After my divorce, I promised myself that I would never again have a big mortgage, be near house poor, and that I would never again live beyond my means, even temporarily. The first house that we fell in love with was a lot more expensive than the house we ended up buying. $40k more. It was at the very very top of my price range, if we could negotiate about 10k down. It had a garage, 2 fireplaces, 2 bathrooms, and views of the Peticodiac river. However, it just felt scary. We decided to go visit 2 more houses before revisiting the more expensive house we loved and put an offer. We ended up falling in love with our house, which has everything we need and is at the bottom of my price range. It has no garage, but I can compromise on that because I am still spoiled by Julien every winter. He scrapes all the ice off, brushes all the snow off, and warms up the car for me, every single winter morning. It has no fireplaces, but I think I’m going to buy one of those plug-in electric ones. The house we bought vaguely looks like the one pinned to my vision board, which is simply a picture of a house and back deck. I’ve always wanted a big deck. Big decks are wonderful. In the negotiations we also obtained a nice screen house that attaches to the house and back deck. That’s going to be awesome!


Other than that, I’m having a hard time being as happy for the house as I should be, because at work things are fucking shitty. Frustrations, tensions, gossip, burn outs, chaos… I feel like I can’t even take it anymore. But I have to, I have no choice. I hope that being happy in my new house gives me the strength and courage to endure work until the chaos gets sorted out, and then decide if it’s time for me to move on if things don’t improve. Things can’t get much worse. I am riddled with anxiety and IBS, and I cried in front of a co-worker last week. I can’t sleep at night. I have constant pains in my stomach. Nausea. I can’t stop worrying about work. We’re driving around in the car on a beautiful sunny day and I gaze at the fields swaying in the wind, but all I see are spreadsheets, pivot tables, targets, and reports. I feel unappreciated, unsupported, and defeated. I don’t find my work rewarding whatsoever. I dread it. I cry a lot. A lot.


I went blonde again. I turn 35 in less than a month. I try to remind myself that when Sex and the City started, the four women were 35 and fabulous. I’m trying to feel fabulous, but I feel the opposite of that these days, even though I weigh the least I’ve weighed in years. I don’t know if blonde is still for me? Do I just need to get used to it again? After I went blonde, my co-worker told me that she thinks that red hair is outdated and going out of style… is that even possible? Aren’t there always going to be natural red heads? Why can’t I just go my natural colour you say? I was just given the wrong hair colour somehow. I swear, it’s the most blah hair colour on me, and doesn’t match my almost black eyebrows at all. I really think it was a mistake. My brother was born so blonde his hair looked white, and now that he’s 30, his hair is pretty dark, almost brown. I was born with dark brown chocolate hair, and now it’s a watered down mousy very light brown. It makes me look old.


But yeah, back to trying to be happy about the house :


_872 Melanson 2

872 Melanson 3

Backyard 2


Balcony 1

Since the last time I blogged


Since the last time I blogged :

  • I have traveled to Ottawa, ON and Montebello, QC for an insane rock festival called Rockfest Amnesia.
  • I have completed my 2 spring/summer university courses. My final score for Theorie Organisationnelle is A-, and I am still awaiting my results for Management International.
  • My 2 months off university completely started this weekend.
  • I have gotten pre-approved for a mortgage and I’ve been looking at houses.
  • I have started panicking about turning 35 years old this summer. 35!
  • I am terrified of committing to a mortgage, yet I’ve had it up to ‘here’ with landlords and their rules.
  • I have gone to the beach for the very first time this summer. The water was pretty chilly compared to the Caribbean!
  • I have started going blonde again…

I brought back a tan from New York


After a long 18 hour bus ride and a 10 minute cab ride, we finally got home yesterday afternoon. Witnessing my love of NYC, and witnessing my recent work induced meltdowns, a few hours before leaving the city, J asked me if I was happy at all to go back home. I was. Four days in NYC is definitely enough for me these days. I’ve been home for 24 hours and I still have a hard time walking at a normal pace for all the blisters and shin splints. My face still feels puffy and my feet still feet swollen from the long bus ride. I just drank an XL Tims coffee, and although I’m feeling overwhelmed and nervous by the amount of homework and reading I have to do before Sunday, I know that I would just fall asleep in my book right now if I tried. But thankfully, my boss agreed to grant my last minute request for an additional 2 days off, so that I can return to work next week all caught up from University, and fully refreshed for work.

I wasn’t supposed to shop in NYC. This trip wasn’t in the budget at all, but I won it, it was free. So I wasn’t going to shop. This was going to be a frugal vacation. I have unpacked our two big suitcases, our two backpacks, got my purse back to it’s normal size, but the Macy’s, Burlington Coat Factory, and DSW bags are still sitting on my kitchen table. Maybe if I look at them every time I pass in front of them, I will get more for my money’s worth? Those bags on the kitchen table also contain Julien’s family’s souvenirs that will go their way tomorrow, Robyn’s thank you gifts for taking care of Roxy while we were away, and random photos we purchased and playbills from Broadway plays. Next to those are my 5 pairs of shoes and 8 dresses that were unplanned. But I love them. I did not buy a single pair of heels. I didn’t even buy one handbag. Imagine that? I still have my rows of fake Canal St. designer bags in my closet, but I always wear my same favourite purse. It hangs cross body, leaving my hands free to do more practical things, and it has about a zillion pockets so I know exactly in which pocket any specific item is at all times. No need to search for anything. I love it. I don’t care about designer names anymore. I still love the marketing and advertising and brains behind designer operations, it’s fascinating to me. I still think designer bags can be beautiful and of greater quality. But I no longer care to own anything designer. I no longer care to impress anyone, really. If this is what being in your 30’s is like, then I’m excited to turn 35 this summer.

This was, by far, my favourite NYC vacation ever. I’m so thankful that I got to experience it with J. He really liked New York. I’m sure we’ll be back. I’m glad that we have really compatible travel styles and attitudes. I’m really glad that we were able to laugh it off together when right before going to see J’s most anticipated broadway play, when picking up his glass of water at Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square, J was drenched in water from his tall glass breaking. J, the server and I were all looking at each other for a couple of seconds, not fully comprehending what was happening with all the water. J was holding his now empty, tall glass in front of his face, with the last inch, the most important inch, the bottom inch of the glass sitting, unshattered, on the dining table. Huh! Then we all laughed and laughed. The server said that he had never seen that happen in the 7 years of his working there. The manager came to apologize, and gave us his personal business card to send any cleaning fees his way, and also gave us a 10$ gift card. J said no problem, it’s not their fault, and we laughed some more. We still laugh today when we talk about it hehe.

We also laugh when we recall the story of the woman pushing her kid in a stroller at a busy Times Square intersection. Moving along with the crowd right next to us, when we reached the other side of the street, their stroller hit a bump in the sidewalk and the kid went flying out! Poor kid!! Isn’t that why stroller straps exist? The kid wasn’t phased at all. He got up and sat himself back down while we tried to stiffle laughter, because it would be mean to laugh, right? haha! Are we mean? Probably not, we gave to a few causes while in NYC. We donated most to something we care a lot about – arts/music. We didn’t give huge amounts, but they say that every donation helps, so hopefully it does.

One evening we were sitting on a concrete ledge, next to the the New World Stages, killing time before going in for Avenue Q. At 7:28pm I announced that even though I knew for sure that the play started at 8pm, I was just going to appease my obsessive impulses by checking the tickets. I opened my enveloppe with the chronological post-it identified folded printed tickets, found the Avenue Q tickets, and opened them. OMG it starts at 7:30, not 8!! We sprung up and ran inside, down the stairs, to the washrooms, and in our seats with a couple of minutes to spare before the play started. PHEW!! So close! I would have cried if we missed it! We were sitting in the front row. Aaah knee room! We were alos in the first row for Chicago, and Velma Kelly threw a rose at me at the end! I hate tacky souvenirs, but I might hang on to this fake rose with it’s fake dew for a little while. It makes me smile when I look at it. And I pause, and I pop my hip, I throw my hands up, and sing-whisper: And all that jazzzz!

The border crossing on our way back went oh-so-smoothly!! I’ve never seen the process go so fast. It was amazing. We all got out of the bus and were all back on ready to go in about 15 minutes. I let Julien have the more comfortable window seat during the entire way back. He would argue with me about it, but I reminded him that he had to work yesterday afternoon right after we arrived home, while I got to relax. I am so physically exhausted. I requested 2 more days off work, and I slept in until 11 am this  morning. I do not understand how J could wake up at 9 to work today. I can’t. I’m so exhausted that my face is puffy.

But my soul, my heart and my mind? Breathing a contented sigh of relief. New York always recharges my fun batteries. Always. The smell of nuts roasting, meat smoking, spices tingling inside vendor carts all along the streets, the random ballerinas dancing in front of Bethesda fountain in Central Park, the wonderful wind breeze, refreshing us from the hot summer-like sun shining on us, while we’re enjoying a pedicab ride in the park, while making the trees attack us with their little flying tree things. (I have no idea what they were, just that the pedicab driver, J and I were laughing hysterically while being attacked by these little flying wood things (were they ‘helicopters’?), and the pedicab driver coughing for the rest of the ride because he had swallowed one. My cultural meter is also full.

Time to drag this exhausted body to my desk and read and do homework. Ideally, I would kick ass at this and finish with a day to spare to relax fully before returning to work. So, time to bust ass. Maybe right after I look at my new dresses and shoes one more time ;)

So I won a trip to New York City!


We’re leaving Friday! THIS Friday! This sooo wasn’t planned in the budget, but how can I say no to a free trip? J has never been to NYC, and I haven’t been in at least 3 years. I’m a little nervous. I planned every single detail of the trip, bought tickets, and arranged for a car service to pick us up two nights in a row after a late night at the Cellar Comedy Club, and another late night at a jazz club in Manhattan. I am planning to take a few taxis. I don’t want to stress about this trip. Why am I stressing so much?

We’re going to see Of Mice and Men, Chicago and Avenue Q. We’re going on a harbour lights cruise around the island of Manhattan, we’re going on the Top of the Rock. We’re also going on a Brooklyn pizza and famous sights tour, and on a movie and TV tour. I hope to have time to pop into DSW shoes and Conway on 34th. It should be an awesome trip!



I was laying in bed in the dark, my eyes were open and I was staring at the alarm clock on my dresser. It was 5:57. I turned and reached for my actual alarm clock, my iphone, and turned off the alarm before it went off. I got up and got dressed and ready very quietly, in the dark, because J has been working so hard and we’ve been going to bed so late. That handsome face deserves to sleep. I was ready with about an hour and a half to sapre, on purpose, before my last final exam of the semester. I decided to close all the window blinds to plunge the apartment in total darkness, and left quietly. I turned the key in the door lock as quietly and and as slowly as I could.

I took the elevator, walked out to the car, and chose to listen to a mellow song to calm my  nerves. I can’t even remember what it was now. Even though I’m not a breakfast eater, I also don’t normally get up at 6am. So I decided to go to the Tim Hortons drive through to get a coffee and a breakfast sandwich. The last thing I need is to worry about loud stomach hunger paings during my exam. I drove to the university, thinking that I would park in my faculty’s parking lot, turn off the radio, and eat and sip coffee while doing one last read through of my study guide. Upon arrival to said parking lot, I discovered that I wasn’t the only one with this idea. It was hard to focus on studying in the car when I was fascinated by watching a bunch of people in their cars in this parking lot, sipping coffee, smoking cigarettes, and studying for the same exam I was.

20 minutes before my exam, I got out of the car, spilling some of my XL coffee all over myself and my study guide. For some reason, today it didn’t matter. I grabbed 2 tissues and wiped it all off. I was wearing my most comfortable lounging outfit, determined not to be distrated by any unecessary things during exam : 2nd skin like black yoga pants that have two little while lines going down the side of my legs, giving me an illusion of slimness (I’d like to think), my Opeth t-shirt (from their stop in Moncton last Fall), my most comfy sports bra, my Shades of Sorrow hoodie (J’s band), and my hair up in a messy ponytail. No make up. No jewelry. I feel like I’m describing my opening segment if I was on ‘What not to wear’. You know me, you know that I LOVE the stuff in my closet and love any occassion to put outfits together. But in the past few years, I’ve come to really not give a single shit if I decide to go out in public wearing comfort. I don’t need to impress anyone but myself. And I impress myself when I am ok with letting myself be kind to myself. But either way, I think I look cute in yoga pants.

I walk the little hill up to the building, climb the stairs to the second floor, and locate room 207 and then head to the washrooms. When I walk towards the room, I notice for the first time that all of my classmates are sitting on the floor and standing in the dark, trying to squeeze in a last few minutes of studying. The classroom door is locked. No one can locate a light switch. People claim whatever sliver of lights they can find. It’s kind of eerie. We’re all studying in the dark, early on a Sunday morning, in an empty and quiet faculty. Are all early mornings this quiet and eerie?

I’m leaning against the brick wall, my coffee is sitting on the floor next to me. I’m tryingto drown out everything around me to also squeeze in a few more supply chain, international marketing, sales, marketing communication, etc facts and information. My back hurts. I look up in the air, discretely counting on my fingers while listing the different components of an integrated marketing commnicaty strategy when the teacher comes barreling down the hall in her flashy red skirt suit, stopped dead in her track in front of me, turns to me and asks : “Is the classroom locked?” It takes me 3 seconds to snap out of my studying reverie before I say : “Ummm… YES!” As if it was the first question on the exam.

I walk into the unfamiliar classroom and I try to assess my seating options as fast as I can because the heard of my classmates is moving quickly, claiming the best seats. I choose a seat in one of the front rows, as to minimize distractions. I am relieved to see that the 2 guys who also chose my row decide to sit 1 seat apart from each other and from me. Aaah, my bubble. The teacher then starts breaking up teams and friendships. Apparently it’s harder to cheat if you’re not sitting next to your friend? I don’t know. So she sends a guy to sit right next to me, in my bubble. Bah! I move my set up a little tighter and closer to me. On my right – My XL Tims coffee and a full bottle of water. What? Exams are dehydrating! On my left – 3 sharpened pencils, 1 eraser, 1 travel package of facial tissues, and my burt’s bees. In the pocket of my hoodie? The little crocheted snowflake that Julien’s mom gave me for good luck for my very first exam. It has brought me luck so far.

The teacher is talking about her zero plagiarism tolerance policy, that even a doubt is sufficient to yoink away our exam copy and send us on our way.

Teacher : “If I have to repeat myself, it’s -1 point!”

Random classmate : “But Ms…”

Teacher : “-1 point.”

[Rest of classmates trying to hide nervous and incredulous smiles.]

At some point a guy in my row turns his exam copy face down, and walks out of the class. I assume he’s going to the washroom. I also assume that the teacher is going to flip out and not let him finish his exam. I assume right.

Satisfied after two revision read throughs, I get up and bring my copy on the desk at the front of the class, and find my name to sign on the sheet, as instructed. Another student gets up and walks to the desk, and stands next to me. I’m thinking “Shit! She told us to wait at our seats and that only one person is allowed at once at the front desk and signage sheet! Surely she’ll see that it’s him and not me!” So I sign my name so fast that it’s not legible, grab all my things, and the rest of my now cold XL coffee, and walk out of the exam room, feeling FREE!!

I feel so free! I’m sitting in my walk in closet. My laptop is sitting on top of my ‘Joy of Cooking’ book, which I’ve never used for any other purpose than to prop up other things, which is resting on top of my little vanity mirror desk. The radio is playing at volume 3. Just loud enough for me to hear it. The rest of the apartment is still in total darkness. Minou (the cat) is still sleeping in her storage room, and J is still sleeping in bed. About 10 feet away from me, outside my closet door. Every few minutes I stop typing to hear the love of my life gently snoring. I know it’s creepy, but I love watching him sleep. I’d open the door right now to take a peek, but I don’t want to risk waking him up just yet. Here I am, sitting quietly in my 8×10 closet, feeling so FREE!!

Life is so damn good!


I’ve never been happier than I am now. I didn’t think that this kind of happiness was for me. I didn’t think that I deserved this much love and joy in my  life. I don’t want to brag, I just want to shout my thankfulness from the roofs!

About a month ago, I was frolicking in the warm clear waters at Sugar Beach, St. Lucia, with the love of my life. That place was indubitably the most beautiful place I’ve ever been in. I have seen a lot of beautiful places, but for me, letting St. Lucia’s warm waters free me of gravity and letting my body float under the warm sun, between their famous two majestic pitons was amazing. An exorbitantly priced resort is also on this beach, other cruisers told us that it costs $1500 to $3000 a NIGHT to stay there! So I really, really took it all in the most that I could, because I know that this beautiful island will most likely only ever be a day trip for me. During our private tour, the speedboat we were on just stopped working and its computers shut down. We had to be rescued by another boat. I was so scared of falling in between the two boats! But even with that adventure, my day in St. Lucia is still one of the most beautiful days of my life. Being in the water, surrounded by lush green mountains just recharges me.

About a week ago, J picked me up right after my university class, and we drove to Halifax, NS to see Black Sabbath in concert. It was really awesome. Because Black Sabbath are just –wow, and also because there are few things I love more than being bombarded with confetti!!! Also on the top of the list are wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men! Seriously.  I love those things. I saw three this week!

This week I had 3 day meetings in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, sandwiched by two un-jiggable university classes, which made timing pretty darn tight. J agreed to drive me and stay and work out of the hotel room without hesitation, as usual. How did I get so lucky? Our hotel room was really modern and awesome. We will surely return there whenever we are in Charlottetown next.

Speaking of things that I love – like the warm summer breeze, starry skies, butterflies, a good pho, music, and food, among other things… during my cruise vacation I came to a decision: I’m just going to eliminate things that make me unhappy, or that I’m solely doing to please other people, from my life. During my vacation, for the first time ever, even though it was the best most amazing vacation of my whole life, towards the end I definitely started missing my life here at home. And my actual home. Since I have stopped worrying so much about pleasing the other residents of my apartment building, I’ve begun to kind of love this apartment. I’ve bought frames, and framed happy pictures of us from the cruise. I also framed a beautiful print of a sea turtle in my bathroom. This place really is home. I also missed my cat Roxy terribly! Speaking of Miss Roxy, she spent the day at the vet and came out with an antibiotic shot for a probable urinary tract infection. I hope she feels better soon :/ Poor minou. We are to collect a urine sample in 10 days and bring that in for analysis to make sure it’s going away. Wish me luck with that!

So, remember this post? http://crazymrsnancy.com/2013/10/19/i-havent-blogged-in-over-a-month/ I did it. I stepped down as the president of my chorale, and also I quit as a chorister altogether. I truly am grateful for my 5-6 years in the chorale. I think that the rehearsals and performing on stage really helped me come out of my shell, which helped me generally in life. But it was just time. My focus is now on different areas of my life, and I am so happy. This coming week is also the last scheduled yoga class that I organize at work, before taking an undetermined hiatus. Is it ‘normal’ to love yoga but to prefer a solitary practice? I think that I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m just not someone who generally enjoys social interaction in large groups that much. I just don’t enjoy group anything, really. Is that a bad thing? I’ve honestly been wondering if there is some kind of diagnosable socially awkward thing about me. I am in the foot-in-mouth queen.

I’m being kind to myself; I learned that in yoga class. I am also being honest with myself. I really need a lot of down time/free time/ alone time. I am an overly sensitive person. I am an introvert. Lately I’ve also been doing a LOT of thinking about what it is I really want in life. I want to love all the days of my life. I don’t want to just live for the weekends, you know? I want a lot of alone time. I want to live close to work so that I don’t waste a lot of time commuting; I love the business of downtown. I want to travel. I want to eat good food. I want to see concerts and live music. Last week my application for compressed work weeks was approved! My work schedule is going to be Tues-Fri 8am-6pm, and I get Sat-Sun-Mon OFF!! Three days in a row, every week for a year! I think that it’s going to be worth the longer work hours to have a day to devote to university stuff and more occasions to get some good sleep in. I’ve been having sleep issues lately.

I’ve also been able to choose 2 courses that are given online for my summer classes. I’m so excited about that. About the compressed work weeks, about the not having to force myself to go to choir anymore, and the option to do yoga in my own living room, with my own music. I feel like I will be so much more productive at work if I only have to be social 4 days a week. I feel so free. I feel so excited about my life and my future plans. But is it okay to accommodate my life to allow myself to be this comfortable in my introversion?