CrazyMrsNancy.com

I'm not allowed to discuss a certain big thing. The big thing still has a 1-2% chance of falling through, because there is one signature missing. Well, two, with mine. So I don't even want to password-protect-blog it and jinx it.

: - X

I feel like having to keep this inside is blocking the rest of the words that would like to come out of me. Maybe I can let little slices of life farts out if I shoot bullets: 

• Mom and I are thinking of possibly going to Paris in the fall, if we find the right deal.
• Steph and I have booked a little getaway to Halifax for the last week of June, for our 7th Wedding anniversary. Thanks E for the great hotel deal! They say that the 7th year is the hardest; I would not disagree. Holy shit was year 7 hard. If you would have painted me a picture, 4 months ago, of what our relationship looks like today, I would not have believed it. It's amazing.
• Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. ~ Robert Frost.
• I am now one of those people who can (and will) spend an entire evening with the TV off, just listening to jazz music while I do whatever. You know how sometimes your soul is just thirsty for music and you can't stop listening to it? When your soul drinks the music so fast that it quickens your breath, until your levels of musical contentment are stable again? Lately, my soul needs jazz to feel content. I remember when I used to hate jazz. I wonder if I'll ever love brussel sprouts.
• Another surprise visit tonight, but it was the mother of all surprise visits. It was a surprise (to me & Steph) birthday party-ish thing for my brother and his step-son. Their birthday was Friday. We had a Dixie Lee feast and a DQ cake. It was a stressful Monday; my eyelids were droopy. For Christmas this year, I want notice. It's not like they don't live three hours away.
• I forgot to send one of the news releases that I'm sending out to the media and posting to the website tomorrow to translation. I hope it all works out and that I don't get in trouble.
• We're fully intending on spending New Years Eve in New York City again. Some people shake their head at us and ask "why"? We don't really care anymore if they don't get it, or what they think.
• I generally have no problems getting along with people. You know me! I'm always so smiley and easy-going (at least on the outside). There's a particularly uptight woman right now in my life who I have a very hard time being pleasant to. We just really don't jive, but it's one of those situations where I'll just have to learn to adapt to her and grow as a person for it. (+2 social skill points)
• I finally saw the Sex and the City 2 movie last weekend, and I liked it! My biggest two complaints, however: there was not enough sex, and definitely not enough of the City. I had read all of the negative critiques and went in with really low expectations, but as a long time die hard fan, it just hit the spot.
• TMI - I was expecting aunt flow last week. I saw a spot, I thought that was it. It faded away. It never really came. I think the bitch figured out that we're going to Halifax in 2 weeks.
• My coworker slash person who I'm convinced came into my life for a reason, is trying to convince me to register for a writing workshop this weekend that I just learned about today. W also gets ticked that I won't/can't refer to myself as a writer. She thinks that writing a blog counts. I suppose it might count if you're a decent enough writer? I don't know if I can talk my nerves/IBS into this weekend's workshop, but I think that they sound amazing. I want to go. Those particular workshops take place in nature and are described as 'a spay day for the soul'. W is trying to push me out of my comfort zone, and it makes me uncomfortable. Imagine that.

[Setting: I'm upstairs in the computer room, watching The Hills, and he's downstairs playing computer games with his friends/coworkers while talking/shouting/evil laughing on skype with them. I think I hear an exotic animal or someone being tortured outside. I mute the TV and I hear people laughing and talking loud, WOO'ing outside. But I'm too chicken to go look in a window. Honestly, they sounded like The Joker's crew in old black and white Batman episodes!]

Nancy says (1:24 AM):
 do you hear hooligans outside?

Steph says (1:30 AM):
 hooligans?

Nancy says (1:32 AM):
 hooligan
       n : a cruel and brutal fellow [syn: bully, tough, ruffian,roughneck, rowdy, yob, yobo, yobbo]

Steph says (1:33 AM):
 there's a yobo outside?
 

I always PVR Oprah. On lazy days, I go through the recorded list and delete all the episodes with descriptions that I don't feel would add to my life. I'm sooo over that phase where I had to watch stuff on TV just because it was interesting. I remember when they added the FOX channel to our cable package, when I was a teenager. Oh My. My entire family, and almost everyone I knew, would spend hours on the couch watching the Jerry Springer marathons. We couldn't stop watching, it was crazy! The Maury Povich show, Montel Williams.. Wow, people are freaks! We're not so bad, all things considered... I don't know when it happened over the last few years, but I finally feel like I've seen enough! 

All that to say that over the past couple of years, I've been pretty fast on the PVR delete button. I hadn't watched an episode of Oprah in a really long time, actually. After a work discussion that somehow ended up broaching subjects like God,  weight loss and health, Wendy told me about the Oprah episode she had just watched : Women Food and God. I was sure that I had deleted it, but for some reason it was still there, on the PVR. The episode is not over, and I already placed a hold online for Women Food and God. This is a part that really resonated with me, and me rewinding it, and typing as much of it as I could while Oprah was saying it, because I want to remember. Here is bits and pieces, and no real interpretation on my part of how that really relates to me... Mostly because I feel like I've written a lot of password protected entries lately, and I don't want this to turn into a mostly private blog.

« What I was really feeling is : every time I have ever been beaten by my grandmother...

...Where you not only got a whipping, but at the end of the whipping, you weren't even allowed to say : That hurt.

"Take that pout out of your lips. You better not act like you are upset. You better shut your mouth and not remind me that I just whipped you."

...What I recognize, as I'm stuffing myself with the lettuce is:

I still have that feeling of "If I don't do what pleases the other person, then somehow that person has teh power to annihilate me."

...It's not just punishment, but my little girl's mind still feels like...

"If I don't do what you say, and I don't make you feel okay by operating by the way you want me to operate, I am somehow going to be destroyed."

That feeling is still there.

That's what the eating is all about.

That is what I believed.

In your book you say : When you were a little girl feeling those feelings, you had to protect yourself, by taking that position. But the thing to understand now is:

You will never be that small again. And that pain is done. It's over. And you are old enough to take care of yourself. »

Since we've recently been having beautiful weather on the weekends, I've decided to start going to bed earlier (for us), meaning going to bed at the same time as we normally do during the work week. That allows me to get the best of both worlds: the 8 hours of sleep I've been craving all week, AND waking up at an earlier, more respectable, SUNNIER hour. My plan was thwarted last night by wild urges to do the horizontal mambo. My head hit the pillow at 1h30am, but my eyes only opened at 11h30am! I was alone in bed, I never heard Steph, Loki & Chanel leave the room, and my plan to sleep with the curtains open to be awoken by sunlight obviously didn't work. I guess I needed it! 

I got up, put my hair up in a messy bun, put on a short strapless girly summer dress, slathered sunscreen on, grabbed my sunglasses, and went to loung on the deck, in the sun, reading Saffron Skies. Steph eventually came outside for a few minutes and brought me a coffee in a travel mug, to keep the bugs out. How sweet! I stayed there in my lounge chair on the deck, which I totally adore, all afternoon. I was reading slowly, because I kept looking away from the book everytime a hummingbird came to eat some of the sweet nectar that I put out for them, or whenever a bird or a squirrel approached the bird feeder, or when they went for the bird bath. I also look at butterflies, puffy clouds, leaves rustling in the wind, and I daydream. Sometimes I read the same paragraph three times before really absorbing it. But I like it this way.

Around four, we went for a Costco run. Costco was packed, there was a line up at the propane station, but it's kinda worth it. BBQ propane tank refills there are 11$ and they're 20-25$ everywhere else that we've been to! I got some CHERRIES!!! Remember my cherry addiction? I got huge strawberries, fresh blueberries, three different kinds of cheeses... you know how it is when you go to Costco for a couple of things, right? 300$ later... We came home and had a really delicious BBQ together, en tête-à-tête, me, Steph, and Bill Maher. hehe.

Now I'm sitting here listening to Ella Fitzgerald and working away at a strawberry and rhubarb piece of pie from the big Costco pie. I swear, it didn't look nearly as humongous at Costco as it does sitting on my kitchen counter! 

I love slow, sunny Saturday :)

Oh and BTW, the thing yesterday went well, I think. It lasted an hour and I walked out with huge armpit sweat rings. They're supposed to let me know next week! :) 

Okay, not literally. We just had a wonderful, beautiful,hot and sunny long weekend. (Seriously, it felt like frickin' July!) It was great for the soul! I spent the entire weekend outside, doing yard work. It was hard! The fact that my entire backside is still sore today is proof of that, but when I'm in the right frame of mind, I actually find a lot of joy in gardening. I was a little lazy in the yard last year, so even with all this hard work it's not finished. Well, other amateur gardeners will understand when I say that it'll never be finished, but there are still a few things that need to be done for me to be able to spend a nice sunny day lounging on my back deck without feeling guilty! But my yard is starting to look pretty again! I'm still riding that awesome possum upswing... But all around me bombs are exploding and the people I love and care about are being hurt and/or are sad. Why does it seem like I only ever have these great upswings when people around me are going down? 

To the brokenhearted ones, to the ones who were laid off and/or saw their friends/coworkers not make the layoff cut, to the one who is feeling the tell-tale signs of another kidney stone, to the one who is overwhelmed by the transition of welcoming another child into their family life, to the ones who are generally feelin' blue, and especially to the one who lost their 18 month old niece/Goddaughter in a horrific, tragic accident this long weekend : I frickin' LOVE YOU and I'm here for you, whatever you need, whenever you need.

• Mom had her regular check up results today from her oncologist, and her numbers are good and nothing is growing!
• I signed my extension letter this week! I am officially going to do my job until May 28, 2011! I am so, so grateful!
• It's starting to feel like summer!! Beautiful sunsets over warm greener and greener views.
• Last weekend was our big choir end of year finale: dress rehearsal on Friday  night, big concert in town at St.John's United Church on Saturday, and smaller, intimate concert at the Albert County Museum on Sunday. The weekend was crowned by the end of year dinner & party, where we got to see a whole different side to those who performed short numbers during the talent show part of the soirée. I almost literally Ate, Slept, Sang only last weekend. And I loved every minute of it. Joining this choir is definitely one of the highlights of 2010. This choir is great for my soul. 2010 rocks! 
• We are currently riding our highest marriage high ever. I'm still in shock! I am being spoiled rotten with attention and affection and It feels amazing!
• ..and I'm also being spoiled in other ways.... We were supposed to go not far, but away, this long weekend. We were going to use that 50% off coupon from Chateau Saint-Jean that Steph won at his work Christmas party last year. (It expires at the end of next month.) Turns out, he really can't get away. He has to work all weekend to meet a freelancing deadline for an important project. He has been working so hard. I'm so, SO proud of him. So, using some freelancing money, he got me a Canon Rebel T2i!!! I KNOW!! I still can't believe it!