Gross Lasagna Feet

Last night I dreamed that the skin under my feet was made out of baked cheesy lasagna top layer. I would peel this thick layer of cheese, and a layer of thick cottage cheese like substance would come off with it. EWWWWWWWWW!!! I can’t stop thinking about this. All day long I’ve thought about my lasagna feet and I’ve been nauseous all day thinking about them :/

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New life, new bucket list

I was talking to my friend Sophie earlier and I mentioned that I was feeling stagnant lately. “Stagnant how?” She asked. I said I don’t know, nothing new lately. Then I mentioned that I feel like accomplishing more life goals. She asked if I had a bucket list. I said “Shit, it was on my old blog!” We both decided that even though I have access to the archives of my old blog, maybe I just need a new bucket list. But the more I think about it, the less comes to mind, I think because of the ‘seriousness’ of a bucket list. So instead, here’s a list of random shit I want to do:

  • Escape winter and go on vacation where it’s sunny and warm. 
  • Thoroughly enjoy this summer and spend lots of time outside.
  • Buy a house. One within our means. A house that I can make ours.
  • Eat fresh Lobster
  • Soak in a hot tub big enough for me and J
  • Buy a new hair blower, mine smells like burnt every time lately.
  • Relax by a fireplace, alone with J
  • Go listen to live jazz
  • Eat at the Taj Mahal downtown
  • Lose the four pounds (4.4 to be exact) to be at -100lbs again. Highest weight = 350lbs, in 2007.
  • Get chocolate mouse cups from Croissant Soleil near the apartment.
  • Research online commerce bachelor options.
  • Pay off debt from my ex-marriage
  • Get personal taxes done… for years 2007-present… Embarrassing. Any tips/suggestions?
  • I can’t decide if I want to write: “Receive divorce certificate” or “Hope for a proposal”. Is that pathetic?
  • Get a wardrobe update when I lose a few more pounds.
  • Buy new walking sneakers
  • Get another tattoo (#6)
  • Babysit Robyn’s girls more often
  • Go dancing
  • Bowling
  • Get a massage!
  • In fact, a facial too!
  • Boat ride, maybe in Shediac?
  • Eat a poutine rapee
  • Visit Le Pays de la Sagouine
  • Visit the Bouctouche dunes
  • Discover new walking trails
  • Get soaked making out in the pouring rain.
  • Try a cooking class
  • Take a photography class
  • To be continued…

The Big D

After a few days of collaborating online to make sure that we were doing everything right, last week my ex-husband and I met to sign our joint divorce petition. Step 1: Done! Although it could take up to three months for Step 1 to be completed and returned to us, I’ve heard of some local people’s entire divorce taking 3 months. Fingers crossed that this all goes smoothly and quickly! Not because either of us is in a real hurry to be officially divorced, but because I can cross it off my list of 2013 Goals and feel like I’m moving forward with  my life.

I’ve been asked if I was going to change back to my maiden name, and the answer is NO. The first reason is because in my head, Nancy {Maiden Name} is a sad sad girl, has zero self confidence, was bullied like hell in elementary school… no. I have no particular attachment to {Maiden Name}; it’s the last name given to my dad by his adoptive family. So many bad memories attached to {Maiden Name}. The last name I acquired when I married my ex-husband is the one everyone has always known me by at work. I’m really proud of who Nancy {Current Name} is today. The second reason is because J and I will hopefully someday get married, and then I’ll probably take {His last name}.

I wonder if it’s typical for divorced women to feel like they don’t deserve a second chance at marriage. I often feel that way. For that reason, I would probably be okay remaining Nancy {Current Name} and unmarried.. but I guess I’d have to ask my ex-husband if this bothers him in any way. I wouldn’t want him thinking I ‘stole’ his last name.

A weird random survey

Here’s a weird random survey I filled out on a message board I frequent:

 

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?

** I can think of one or two….

 

How do you flush the toilet in public?

** Just like I do at home, with my hand, because I always immediately wash my hands after.

 

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

**Always

 

Do you have a crush on someone?

** Just J, if that counts

 

Name one thing you worry about running out of.

** Money, patience

 

What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?

** I don’t know, Roseann Barr?

 

What is your favorite pizza topping?

** Ham and Pineapple

 

Do you crack your knuckles?

** Not on purpose

 

What song do you hate the most.

** I can’t think of any

 

Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?

** Nope.

 

What are your super powers?

** All the wrong ones, I’m an expert at gaining weight, making money disappear, and being socially awkward. Gee, PMS much?

 

Peppermint or spearmint?

** Peppermint

 

Where are your car keys?

** In my coat pocket

 

Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?

** Everyone (You can answer in the comments if you don’t blog! DO IT!)

 

What’s your most annoying habit?

** Being most often on the verge of being late.

 

Where did you last go on vacation?

** Montreal – August 2012

 

What is your best physical feature?

** I’m having a ‘woe is me’ day. This is hard today. Maybe my smile, not because I like it, just because I like a smiling face and I smile a lot.

 

What CD is closest to you right now?

** A CD with back up data on it.

 

What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?

** Whiskey, Water, Diet coke

 

What superstition do you believe/practice?

** I make wishes upon stars.

 

What color are your bed sheets?

** Black

 

Would you rather be a fish or a bird?

** Fish, I love being in the water. (But I hate getting out of it/being wet.)

 

Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?

** No, it’s against the law here and the fine is $$$. But I don’t really talk on the phone much at all.

 

What are your favorite sayings?

** It depends on my mood.

 

What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?

** These days: Schubert’s Ave Maria. One of my favourites from this semester at the choir.

 

If you could go back or forward in time,where would you go?

** Never back, for sure. Then I’d go forward to the place where I’m done paying off debt from my past marriage.

 

What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?

** Don’t have one.

 

What CD is in your stereo?

** I think I have an old stereo packed in the storage room ready to donate to someone, and I’m pretty sure in the CD player is some CD that you listen before bed to empower yourself or whatever.

 

What CD will be in your stereo in a few minutes?

** I never listen to CD’s.

 

How many kids do you plan on having?

** I used to want 2, more than anything. Now I wonder if I should just accept that the circumstances just won’t allow for me to have kids before my eggs rot and die.

 

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

** The person who would be handing me my lotto winning super sized cardboard cheque.

 

What do you do when no one is watching?

** Play candy crush saga while pooping.

 

If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be you?

** John Goodman? lol no idea.

 

Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?

** Peacefully in my sleep.

 

Coffee or Tea.

** Coffee

 

Favorite musician(s)/bands you’ve seen in concert?

** Either System of a Down or Metallica.

 

Have you ever been in love?

** Yes, although now that I have lived longer, I’m no longer sure of how many times I’ve truly been in love.

 

Do you talk to yourself?

**In my head all the time. Lately I’m noticing a lot of negative self talk. I have to snap out of it.

 

If you don’t know me by now…

You will never ever ever know me OoooooooOOOooh.

Remember the longtime friend (we were college roommates) who unfriended me on FB a while back because in March last year, 2 months after I moved out of my home and into my own apartment, starting from scratch, she didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t have money to spare to go out to eat or see a movie with her? I mean, I guess I might have been suspicious too if I saw pictures of me on FB having a grand ole time out on the town.. but when I explained that it was purely because other friends offered to take me out at the time, she didn’t believe me. It’s her choice.

I decided to send her a Christmas card this past Christmas. I wrote “Thinking of you, I hope you’re doing well. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!”. A couple of weeks ago she wrote to me on FB to say thank you for the Christmas card, she hopes I’m happy. Big changes going on in her life… etc. And she closed by saying “I think that we got separated (me and her) because we are at different places in our lives.) I wrote back that I’m happy for her, and I correctly guessed the big changes, I had a feeling. I’m really truly happy for her. I wrote back that I’m there for her if she changes her mind.

She wrote back and explained that because all I want to do is go out clubbing and in bars, that she doesn’t see the point in being my friend. That she wants friends that want to hang out more than once a year, and that it’s just too complicated to be my friend.

I think that part of the reason why I’m so happy these days, is that I’m not bending over backwards to accommodate people in my life who don’t want to be. If they want to walk out of my life, I will send them some love and hold the door open for them. Her argument that I only want to go out clubbing and in bars is so ludicrous that I decided to not even address it. I just wrote back saying that I’m really happy for them, and that I hope she has a happy and healthy 9 months.

Sure sometimes I like to go see live bands play in bars. Sometimes I go out two weekends in a month to see live music, sometimes I don’t go for a month. I go dancing at a club with J probably twice a year, if the mood strikes. I go to choir rehearsal every Monday, I’m on the board of management of my community choir, I go to voice lessons every Saturday. I go see movies, I visit friends, we host friends over, I have wine & sushi (at home) with 2 friends on a monthly basis, we go for walks when it’s not icy and minus 30 out, I work overtime sometimes, I also have nights where all I want to do is stay home, cuddle on the couch and watch TV with J.

It’s kind of funny that she perceives me as someone ‘who only wants to go clubbing and to bars’, because if you know me well, you know that I’m a really introverted person who needs a lot of alone time to recharge my social batteries. As I’m writing this, a bunch of my colleagues are downstairs at the bar, but I declined because I just spent over 12 hours with them today, I needed some alone time. But for once in my life, I really don’t feel the need to defend myself and my actions. I love my life, I really do. I’m so grateful.

However, I hope that one day she realizes that meaningful friendships don’t always require spending massive amounts of time together. For me, quality > quantity. I don’t believe that longtime friendships need to remain friendships just for the sake of old times… but I also don’t believe in cutting out friendships entirely because our lifestyles don’t match up exactly 100%. I hope she knows that I love her and that even though I’m done trying to salvage our friendship, I love her and hope that one day we can laugh about all the times throughout our friendship where she’s stopped talking to me because I did x,y,z wrong.

In related news (where people think I’m something I’m not): Today someone on the Management Committee (the reason why I’m in NL this week for meetings) thought I was 21. Shortly after that, I got carded and the lady laughed and said that I certainly don’t look 33, that I must get carded a lot! I love being carded at my age!

A comfortable bed to be lonely in

I used to LOVE going away for meetings. I used to travel more often when I worked for the provincial government, but I was only travelling within NB. At my current job, I mostly only travel once per quarter, but I get to visit all four Atlantic provinces per year. Part of me still loves it. I love waiting in airports and taking taxis with my manager and director and getting to spend some quality time hearing quality gossip or information that I wouldn’t otherwise get the chance to do in the office, in our busy daily routines.

I’m loving the comfy fluffiness of the bed. I love being able to order room service and someone just shows up with my food, and I don’t have to clean after. Does anyone else roll their room service cart further away from their door in the hall after they’re done, because you don’t want people seeing what you ate? Illogical I know. Poor room 733 tonight has my cart next to their door, and people will think that they ordered fish n’ chips AND wings because they couldn’t decide, but were only able to eat a quarter of it. So much waste! But it’s not like I can save it for later. I love having absolute control of the TV remote and not having to consider anyone else when flipping through girly TV shows… except that every time I see something I’d watch in the guide and select the channel, I get ‘Channel unavailable’.  I love being in NL’s quirky half hour ahead time zone. I love the way people talk here in St. John’s, NL. I wonder if they think I talk funny too.

But a bigger part of me just misses J like hell. Illogical again, I know, I saw him this morning when he dropped me off at the airport. I miss my cable with its hundreds of channels. I miss Roxy the cat. I miss just walking to the kitchen for a snack or a drink. I miss everything about my life that I couldn’t bring in my suitcase. I guess that’s the moral of this story: Even though I’m incredibly grateful for my job, I now love my life too much to want to get away from it. But it also means that returns home will be that much more sweeter 🙂

Now to wait and see WHEN the return home will actually occur. Originally set to depart Thursday night and land home at 11pm, the weather office is now calling for 40cm of snow here on Thursday, with another 15cm on Friday! Eeek! My boss graciously offered to cancel that last meeting Thursday afternoon he and I were going to, if the assistant back at the office could get us on an earlier flight home in time to beat the storm, at no additional or significant cost to the department. Well the assistant came back saying that my boss could leave earlier no problem, and that his flight wouldn’t cost extra, but that mine would cost an additional $400. Blech. (We fly together to Halifax then I fly home and he flies to Ottawa.) We’ll see I guess, at least I brought an extra pair of underoos 🙂

NLinJan

 

Here’s a picture of the view from the hotel – So charming!

This Week: On the Rock!

It’s going to be a busy week! Tomorrow chorale starts again, I have to go early because on top of being on the Board of Management, I’m the Soprano Librarian and have to go give out music packages to people registering for the semester. I probably won’t have time to go home and eat before going. I’m going to arrive home around 9:30-9:45pm, so I really should be packing right now. At least I’ve picked out my outfits for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

JANNL

I love my nice little vanity that my parents got me for Christmas!

Years ago, a strong, beautiful woman named Justine wrote on her blog about her younger career days, when she was pulling her rolling suitcase through airports, walking in her high heels, and feeling like a successful, beautiful career woman. I remember reading her reminiscing and thinking: I want that. I wanted a job that would pay for me to travel a few times a year. I wanted to feel beautiful and successful and to strut my stuff in airports.

Typically I get to travel 4 times a year for work. Once per quarter, rotating between the four Atlantic Provinces. In December, I get to go to St. John’s, Newfoundland. The Management Committee decided to postpone the December meeting until next week, so here I am. This will be my third year flying to NL with my manager and director. Time flies!

I’m definitely not wearing heels, as running through the airport to catch our connection in Halifax (We fly Moncton-Halifax-St.John’s) isn’t a rare occurrence. But this year, I’m feeling like a successful, beautiful career woman.

In other news: Do you ever dreamily stare at the clouds and see random outlines shaping up in the sky? I was dreamily staring at a pile of snow yesterday and saw a grumpy old lady with a big nose holding a sleeping snow baby. Do you see it?

snowbaby