If you don’t know me by now…

You will never ever ever know me OoooooooOOOooh.

Remember the longtime friend (we were college roommates) who unfriended me on FB a while back because in March last year, 2 months after I moved out of my home and into my own apartment, starting from scratch, she didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t have money to spare to go out to eat or see a movie with her? I mean, I guess I might have been suspicious too if I saw pictures of me on FB having a grand ole time out on the town.. but when I explained that it was purely because other friends offered to take me out at the time, she didn’t believe me. It’s her choice.

I decided to send her a Christmas card this past Christmas. I wrote “Thinking of you, I hope you’re doing well. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!”. A couple of weeks ago she wrote to me on FB to say thank you for the Christmas card, she hopes I’m happy. Big changes going on in her life… etc. And she closed by saying “I think that we got separated (me and her) because we are at different places in our lives.) I wrote back that I’m happy for her, and I correctly guessed the big changes, I had a feeling. I’m really truly happy for her. I wrote back that I’m there for her if she changes her mind.

She wrote back and explained that because all I want to do is go out clubbing and in bars, that she doesn’t see the point in being my friend. That she wants friends that want to hang out more than once a year, and that it’s just too complicated to be my friend.

I think that part of the reason why I’m so happy these days, is that I’m not bending over backwards to accommodate people in my life who don’t want to be. If they want to walk out of my life, I will send them some love and hold the door open for them. Her argument that I only want to go out clubbing and in bars is so ludicrous that I decided to not even address it. I just wrote back saying that I’m really happy for them, and that I hope she has a happy and healthy 9 months.

Sure sometimes I like to go see live bands play in bars. Sometimes I go out two weekends in a month to see live music, sometimes I don’t go for a month. I go dancing at a club with J probably twice a year, if the mood strikes. I go to choir rehearsal every Monday, I’m on the board of management of my community choir, I go to voice lessons every Saturday. I go see movies, I visit friends, we host friends over, I have wine & sushi (at home) with 2 friends on a monthly basis, we go for walks when it’s not icy and minus 30 out, I work overtime sometimes, I also have nights where all I want to do is stay home, cuddle on the couch and watch TV with J.

It’s kind of funny that she perceives me as someone ‘who only wants to go clubbing and to bars’, because if you know me well, you know that I’m a really introverted person who needs a lot of alone time to recharge my social batteries. As I’m writing this, a bunch of my colleagues are downstairs at the bar, but I declined because I just spent over 12 hours with them today, I needed some alone time. But for once in my life, I really don’t feel the need to defend myself and my actions. I love my life, I really do. I’m so grateful.

However, I hope that one day she realizes that meaningful friendships don’t always require spending massive amounts of time together. For me, quality > quantity. I don’t believe that longtime friendships need to remain friendships just for the sake of old times… but I also don’t believe in cutting out friendships entirely because our lifestyles don’t match up exactly 100%. I hope she knows that I love her and that even though I’m done trying to salvage our friendship, I love her and hope that one day we can laugh about all the times throughout our friendship where she’s stopped talking to me because I did x,y,z wrong.

In related news (where people think I’m something I’m not): Today someone on the Management Committee (the reason why I’m in NL this week for meetings) thought I was 21. Shortly after that, I got carded and the lady laughed and said that I certainly don’t look 33, that I must get carded a lot! I love being carded at my age!

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2 thoughts on “If you don’t know me by now…

  1. The best way for a server or waitress to guarantee themselves a big tip is to card me. That never gets old!

    It’s hard when someone we feel close to doesn’t seem to “get” us the way we thought but it sounds like she has her own issues if this type of behavior has happened before. I think your response is a good and healthy one for you.

  2. I have a friend who lives 5 hours away, we hardly even talk these days, we are both at different places in our lives, but the minute I see her, it’s like not a day has passed. We can sit for 5 hours and say 5 words and then not talk for a month and it’s totally normal. Those friendships are the ones worth keeping, and if someone can’t be your friend because you don’t fit into their little mold, fuck ’em!

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