Right Now

Right now, I’m sitting at my desk in the living room with my personal laptop (on which I am typing this), my work laptop (on which is waiting the project I’m supposed to be working on.), an extra screen connected to my work laptop, a cup of cappuccino, and a lazy cat taking up the otherwise unoccupied 07% of the desk. My headphones are connected to my personal laptop, and I’m listening to my chorale’s practice CD. I love Christmas so much, I really don’t mind listening to its songs in September. I am actually very excited about the program for this Christmas concert! My choir director is singing in my ears over the sounds of the game which my handsome boyfriend is playing on the couch. After almost 3 years, I still get butterflies when I look at him. The butterflies fly even more as he’s taking breaks from his game to finish setting up my new laptop. We are definitely outnumbered by computers in this household. We like it better that way.

Right now, I’m reflecting on how I’m realizing more and more that I’m exactly where I want to be. In my career, in my apartment, with J and Roxy. In the past months, I’ve grown an appreciation for our apartment. I actually kind of like it. I wish I could do laundry after 9pm in my own apartment, but I love its location close to downtown, and I feel safe here. It’s pretty. I know what I want to be when I grow up. I really, finally do.  Getting my bachelors degree is the first step, and I’m on my way. Watch out, world!

I was telling Julien earlier how I grew up thinking that I’d be lucky to ‘finish my stamps’ to get my unemployment pay like a lot of people did where I grew up. There’s a lot of seasonal work related to tourism, fisheries, forestry, construction, etc. I remember having big dreams of working in a convenience store in the middle of nowhere, or in a lighthouse. That’s how much I thought I was worth. I thought that I HAD to own a house to be considered a successful adult. Really. I thought that I had to have a job, a house, a car, optimal body weight, and a dog. Dogs are a lot more work than cats, therefore, if I’m going to be all or nothing I had to have a dog, to prove something to the world. I love dogs, but I think I’ve converted to a cat person now. Maybe I’m just a Roxy person, because she’s such an awesome cat. I also thought that I had to be a mother in order to be considered a successful adult. Now, I’m not so sure.

Right now, I think about completing my bachelors program, apply for the position that I want, which includes a little bit more business travel, but not overly because of all the budget cuts. I can’t imagine travel budgets increasing drastically any time soon. I think about travelling for leisure also, like taking one big trip abroad per year and a small relaxing vacation down south every winter. I think about saving money so that I never have to worry about the end of the month ever again. I think about singing in my choir, my voice lessons, yoga, the other hobbies I want to try, and all of their fees. This might mean renting for a few more years. Maybe forever? The housing market doesn’t sound like the great investment it once was. We’re currently certainly enjoying not having the responsibility of yard care, snow removal, emergency repairs, etc. Do kids really fit in my plan?

Right now, I’m thinking no.

Until I start PMSsing, and then I’ll want children more than anything again. Sigh. Is there something I can take for that week?

 

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