25 Days 5 Hours 15 Minutes 11 Seconds

That is the amount of time left, according to my countdown app, until I become Mrs. L! Our 4 year anniversary is about 1 month after our wedding. If you were reading my blog 5 years ago, can you believe this? 5ish years ago, while browsing the streets of St. John’s, NL during my first business meeting trip following my separation from my ex, even though I was so stressed financially, I bought myself a big ole, simple, black and white fridge magnet. This is weird, because I’ve always been so anti fridge magnet. I can’t stand fridge clutter, or any clutter. But somehow, this fridge magnet spoke to me. I stuck it to the side of the fridge in my ex marital home, I then stuck it on the side of the fridge of my little apartment, and now it’s stuck on the side of the fridge in my home. The home that is perfect for us, despite its shortcomings, and fits in our budget. That last part is to important to me; lessons learned. The home that will warm us and our 19 guests when we get married in 25 days. The home that will shelter our soon to be born son. The fridge magnet says : “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” Every time I lay eyes on that magnet, I thank my lucky stars for my life. I think that I am going confidently-ish in the direction of my dreams, and living the life I’ve imagined. Sometimes it’s even better than the life I’ve imagined in my dreams.

Speaking of dreams, does anyone else get emotional and love this Kraft peanut butter commercial and song, or is it just the pregnancy hormones? I love that song. Here’s the whole song.

The wedding preparations are well underway, although the scope of the project keeps changing. When initially planning our wedding, it was only going to be a handful of people (like, under 10), the officiant, and us. 10 minutes, then we all go out to eat in our regular clothes. It is now candles, and tulle, and boutonnieres and corsages, a bouquet, a cake, chairs, a home made feast, two bridesmaids, two groomsmen, a little flowergirl, and 14 other guests. 19 guests in total. Plus the officiant, and the photographer, and the make up girl, and the hair stylist. Oh yeah. Although my tiny wedding budet has quadrupled so far, I love it. It’s the wedding of my dreams, and I’m going to marry the man of my dreams. On Thursday, we go out to lunch with my future mother in law, and then we’re going to a decorating boutique to see about wedding decorations. I’m glad that even though we’re having a tiny wedding, I get to experience a lot of the fun wedding planning stuff. And I couldn’t imagine a more awesome future mother in law to plan all these life events with. I feel like his family truly is my family too.

Speaking of life events and family, our 3D Ultrasound is in 5 Days 1 Hour 38 Minutes 14 Seconds. I can’t wait to see Jerome’s little face! At my last ultrasound… 4 weeks ago I think? They said that he is now measuring 1 pound and 8 ounces. I’m excited that I get to see him in 3D, hear his heart, and make sure he’s okay, with his father and his four grand parents in the room. The 3D place even provides up to 10 links so people can view the ultrasound live from their home computer. It means that my brother and his fiancee, the god parents, get to watch the ultrasound live from Bathurst. How crazy is that? I love technology!

The question of the day, every day, I assume to all pregnant women is: “How do you feel?” So here it is. When someone inevitably asks me how I feel, my default answer is : Tired. It’s true, and in my mind it justifies at least a little bit, why I look like such a blah version of myself… but the complete answer, because this is my blog: I am having a string of feeling ugly and fat days. I have gained too much weight, I am swollen so sometimes I wear J’s mens boots out and about, I am hairy, so damn hairy, and I move slow. I have more zits than when I was a teenager, however I have dry flaky dinosaur spots. I have been stuffy and had bloody noses the whole time, with resulting bleeding, crusty nose sores that hurt like motherfuckers. I have worn make up exactly three times since I found out I was pregnant. Last weekent, on Valentines Day <3, we had our engagement photo session. The more I look at the proofs, the more I like them, but my initial reaction to them was: Holy shit I’m so fat. I honestly googled a picture of Granda Ethyl from Dinosaurs to show Julien, because I felt like there was a huge resemblance there. Me and her are twinsies. I know I’m carrying a baby, but he’s not in my double chin. I am trying to not get too discouraged, and tell myself that once baby is here the weather will be perfect for nice walks in the park, and the weight will come off again. As much as I’m pissed at my body for gaining so much weight in the past 26 weeks, I can’t get too pissed at it. After 10 years of struggling with infertility in my ex-life, my body rocks for having helped create this child I’m carrying, and keeping him healthy so far! Also, the fact that my fiance discovered in our first trimester a new budding passion for cooking is probably more than partly to blame. This mama and baby are in heaven! Daddy’s chocolate cake is amazing.

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Good Things This Winter.

I’ve started feeling the baby move more consistently this week, and it’s kind of amazing. I have an anterior placenta which was preventing me from feeling baby’s movements earlier. The crib is assembled and in baby’s yellow nursery. The dresser and changing table will be delivered Monday. Then, I’ll put the jungle animal decals and the nursery will start to take shape!

We’re going back to The Keg on Valentine’s day, and I’m going to eat the exact same thing I did on New Year’s Eve! I can’t wait! Then it must be love – he’s bringing me to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I’m trying to be more mindful of calories in lately though, because I’m gaining way too much weight way too fast. I have started prenatal yoga at the school of youtube last week, but I think I need to schedule it because I haven’t done it enough.

I have the most awesome fiance I could ever dream of. He has been to every single one of my doctors appointments, and there have been many, many, weekly or bi-weekly since week 6. He has gone to the store at 11pm to buy me a fruit tray. He bakes brownies, he shovels the insane amounts of snow, he comforts me when I cry because I’ve dropped my 2nd large decaf coffee on the ground, he tells me I’m beautiful even though I’m rounder, zittier, and hairier. Next month I finally get to be married to him, and my heart melts in anticipation.

There is bad stuff. My mother, her cancer, money… but life can’t be too perfect, I guess, and I’d rather write about the good stuff. That’s what I want to remember down the road when I re-read this.