This past weekend I met my dad’s new girlfriend for the very first time. I won’t lie. I’m happy that my dad is happy, and she seems like a nice woman, but it’s so hard to see my dad’s hand on the thigh on a woman that’s not his wife of 35 years – my mom. My dad got the girlfriend makeover. He was wearing dark denim jeans, with an argyle sweater. My dad, who’s been wearing the same version of the same pair of light blue Wranglers for all of my life. I don’t know how to reconcile his happiness with my sadness that mom is gone, and how seeing him with his girlfriend is a reminder that mom is gone. I’ve met her, but I don’t know how much time I’m prepared to spend with her yet.
Jerome is going to be 7 months in a week. How crazy is that? I can’t believe I ever worried about loving him enough. I am so in love with this little guy. Seeing my husband and my son spending time together makes my heart swell and my eyes overflow with happiness. I got this tattoo recently, on my wrist where I see it all day every day. When I look at it my heart is filled with gratitude. I can’t believe that I finally have the family I’ve longed for for so long. I’m not just talking about my husband and my son, but also my husband’s family.
University is going well, although I’m just going through the motions, doing the bare minimum. With the high risk pregnancy, the wedding, my mother’s decreasing health and death, my brother’s wedding, my dad’s new girlfriend, my dad and brother buying a house and moving, my dad selling his and mom’s house… all those emotions, it’s taking such a toll on me. I think that I’m still a happy person who laughs a lot, but I cry every day when I think about mom/the girlfriend. I’m dreading Christmas logistics because of all this. But – Christmas!!
Because I get to be home all day every day this year, I’ve decided to decorate for Christmas way early. We have two Christmas trees up (one on each level), and there’s glitter everyfuckingwhere! It’s awesome!!