It was an image that spoke to me, one of the first times I created a personal vision board. There’s a bright blue sky with little white puffy clouds, and a dog dancing. The writing on the picture says “My life is so good I am dancing with joy!” Years ago, I actually chuckled as I pinned the picture to my vision board, thinking “If only!” The dancing dog has made it onto my new vision board every year since.
I don’t know if the picture or the vision board have anything to do with it, but it happened. My life IS so good that I AM dancing with joy! I also don’t know if the vision board has anything to do with it, but my house that I love so much looks oddly similar to the magazine cutting of a house with a back deck and a screen house with trees in the back that I had stuck to my vision board. I saved the little torn picture of the house from my 2014 vision board. It’s now in my ‘mortgage’ file in my filing cabinet.
My life is everything I dreamed it could be. I am married to the love of my life, and he loves me exactly as I am. He loves me, he impresses me, he takes care of us. I used to think that this kind of love wasn’t for me. I LOVE love love our little house. Because I’m pretty minimalistic and anti-clutter, we fit nicely in it, and it fit nicely into our budget. The walls are full of beautiful things that literally make me smile. Paintings that I’ve painted, family pictures, HUGE pictures of my husband and my son together.
My son. Oh my God, my son.
I have a huge, debilitating head cold right now. The silver lining of that is that I’m here taking the time to write this blog post, while JJ is going crazy in his exersaucer, outside of my germ radius. I’ve missed blogging. My husband is my rock and stepped up for me since this head cold hit me yesterday. Maybe I should also take the time to paint a painting and write another bit of story in the novel I’m writing in my spare time. I’m listening to the new episode of the Serial podcast as I’m blogging and drinking coffee. I’m starting to think that my head cold, and the stormy weather outside, were meant to have me relax a little bit and take the time to take care of myself beyond the great eating and working out twice a day we’ve been doing lately.
My son. When I tried to write about how grateful I am to be his mother earlier, I teared up so much that I moved on to a new paragraph. I won’t lie, the first couple of months were so hard. Traumatic birth, busted open incision, daily nurses to change my dressing, carrying that damn vac attached to my insicion everywhere, the constant crying. My mother in law and my husband were blessings from heaven. She came to relieve me of my night shift every morning at 9am every day for two months. I would sleep until the nurse came to change my dressing at 11am and she would leave after lunch. It was truly a blessing. We’re so lucky to have her. JJ was diagnosed with reflux, prescribed medication, and he has chilled the fuck out. I would do it all over a hundred times for my son.
My son is 9 months and 5 days old today. He has three teeth out and three more piercing his gums. He gives us big scrunchy nosed toothy smiles. He used to tolerate meat purees and chunkier purees, but since his teeth came in all he will eat is pureed fruit with quinoa, yogurt etc. He thinks eggs are gross. He loves the beatboxing guy on yo gabba gabba. He refuses to sit, but wants to crawl so badly. He laughs big belly laughs when we pretend his toys are kissing his face and hands. He is the sunshine of my life. I’m so grateful that I get to be his mom!
Other happy good things:
Our cruise is in less than a month! I have bucket list concert tickets for Celine Dion in Montreal in September, and Pearl Jam’s 25th anniversary tour in May in Quebec City. Julien’s band got nominated for an East Coast Music Award, which is SO awesome! I am so proud of them and so happy for them. I finally decided to start writing a novel, and I’m over 25,000 words in. I have decided to stop fearing failure and just start painting. My soul loves it. We are on a great path, financially. We are smart and resourceful. I am making healthy eating choices and working out twice a day, my blood sugars have never been this great ever, and I have done so much personal development work, that I feel like my return to work after a year of mat leave will be okay.
That’s the big cloud over my head. I NEED to be jazzed up about work. My employer is amazing and I am so grateful to be employed there, but my specific job is soul sucking. I’ve decided that I will seriously consider other opportunities that light me up.
Maybe that should go on my vision board – Light me up!